I just realized that my entries are becoming increasingly friends-only. I'm not sure I like that. I have no problem with other LJs being friends-only, but for some reason I've always wanted my journal to be more public than private.
Maybe I'm just changing. People do that.
I was actually thinking about that yesterday, how people change.
There's this girl at Nazareth that I graduated high school with. We're in the same major and have many of the same classes together. I consider her a good friend. Had you told me in high school I would be on friendly terms with this girl in college, I would've laughed in your face.
She wasn't totally a "prep", but she held herself to a higher regard than most people in school. She was a cheerleader, and acted like she cared more about make-up and guys than she did school. The icing on the cake was that she made fun of me because I was a nerd. Everyone in her little clique made fun of me for that.
So, when I find out she was going to the same college as me for the same major, I freaked out a bit. I didn't want her to follow me around, poking fun at my appearance or lack of boyfriend or who-knows-what for four years.
But when she got here, she became a totally different person. She's not shallow at all like she was in high school, I daresay she has a mind of her own. She's passionate about social work and she's really nice to everyone. It's like she's been replaced by a super-sweet clone or something.
While she was doing a presentation on suicide prevention in class yesterday, I thought about how people change. First of all, she is away from that clique she was in during high school, which may explain the shift. Second, don't we all change from who we were as teenagers? I sure hope we do.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that her character change wasn't as dramatic as I once considered it to be. I've changed too since high school. I'm still a nerd, but back then I tried my butt off to fit in with the wannabe hipster indie kids at our school. I focused on listening to the most obscure bands I could, laughed at whatever jokes they made (which usually weren't funny and were usually at someone else's expense) and just tried to be just like them. Looking back, I can't believe I was that person. I value individuality and non-conformism so much, but the person I was back then was trying her hardest to fit into a group. What's funny is that if I were to hang out with these people tomorrow, we'd really have nothing in common. They'd probably look down on me for loving classic rock so much and dressing like a hippie, amongst other things.
This must happen to everybody. You're one person in high school, but college or other life events change you, make you more of who you really are. You try so hard to define yourself as a teenager by surrounding yourself with certain people. Once you're on your own and no longer have that group mentality (hopefully), it's amazing how quickly you change and become your true self.
Now I can't help but wonder if or how I've changed in my classmate's eyes.
Come to think of it, she didn't make fun of me that badly in high school. It was mostly her friends. Maybe I was the more judgmental one after all.
Hmm.